much ado about nothing

So this is where i ended up.... Not really sure why now or today was the best time to start this blog thing again. Maybe i just needed to vent, get ideas and thoughts out there, rant bout some recent debacles or reflect on what i haven't been noticing lately. Either way, at the end of the day here is where i stand, i think.

Randomness of events and occurrences? Not sure what they mean or if they mean what i want them to. For the past couple of months i had been chasing fools gold to some extent. It was real and i had it but it's shelf life was pretty short and i knew that going in. But hey, you win some you lose some, so i rode the wave to see where it took me. Although i knew it would probably take me where i didn't need to go or want to. Reality changes as the seconds tic away and the perception of actions alter. Famous last words... "He could have been a great a man" echo in my head but not about me, about others. I guess the same could be voiced about women right? I don't know if the answers are here or if there are answers to problems you get yourself into. I don't know if there is actual meaning in the things that we want to mean something. I just don't have a fucking clue anymore. Why do we run from the reality that is our self. We come to terms with things we have done but still ignore who and what we are as a person. Why run from reality? It is all that we have, it is our base, our strength, our guide to what is around us. This keyboard is real why would i act like it's not a keyboard and i shouldn't type on it? How do you erase that fear of letting fate or destiny guide you in the right direction even if it is scary. Aren't the greatest things also the scariest things to come to terms with most of the time?

Ramble, ramble, ramble. Look, here it is. I believe that we do have a purpose. i don't believe in soul mates but i do believe that there are people that you are drawn to for reasons that are completely unexplainable. I don't think we should deny those things. But it is hard to define what is fate and what is your own will. Those lines blur, especially when love, hate, fear and desire get involved. We must trust that the universe, or God, knows more than us and will lead us to where our soul needs to be. If it isn't drug induced then maybe you should trust it. Maybe you shouldn't run from love and accept the specialness that comes from it even if it is problematic at times. Maybe we just need to accept that we are not as brave, bold, tough, heartless, or disconnected as we want to be and just BE. Wherever the universe takes us, trust it and enjoy the ride!! I think it may be much ado about nothing but..... tomorrow never knows.